A Bro’s Breakdown Of Colton’s ‘Bachelor’ Contestants Betches

I’m Jared Freid. I’m a 33 year old comedian who loves The Bachelor and The Bachelorette. I love it so much, I live tweet every episode @jtrain56. As you can imagine, my father is v proud. V. For years, I’ve broken down the contestants before the new season. When I first started doing these, Snapchat was just an app to see boobs, and Instagram wasn’t a career. Also, ABC would only give me a picture, a name, an age, where they were from, and a profession. I’d make massive assumptions based on that small amount of information and that was my preview. Then ABC was like, “Let’s interview these monsters,” and suddenly my job got easier. Maybe too easy. The contestants …

3 Signs That Weight Loss Isn’t The Answer To Your Problems Betches

You Constantly Compare Yourself To Others Comparing yourself to others is a sure way to “fail” any diet plan. As countless trainers have told me when I whip out an inspo picture of Kendall Jenner, no amount of food restriction or exercise can make your body look like someone else’s. You can look like a version of yourself with more muscles, or less fat, or with more or less of a noticeable stomach (I’m told—I’ve never experienced this myself). And that’s it! Those are all your options. So if your desire for weight loss is specifically sparked by seeing a certain body type, I’m afraid to say that dieting will not get you where you want to go. It’s a …

A Complete Breakdown Of Kourtney Kardashian’s Many Jobs Betches

People always accuse Kourtney Kardashian of being the most boring Kardashian, largely because she doesn’t seem to have the most hectic work schedule compared to the rest of her family (or most contributing members of society). Her own sisters agree with the haters: Khloé once told her mom on national television, “Kourtney is no dynamo, she’s like watching paint dry” and Kim told Kourtney to her face that she’s “the least interesting to look at.” However, I beg to differ. Sure, in a family of women who have extensive CVs (and a brother who has a sock line), it may seem like Kourtney doesn’t do much except take bikini selfies, date barely-legal models, and eat nothing but apple cider vinegar shots …

76th Annual Golden Globes Recap: I Would Die for Sandra Oh And You Should Too Betches

Welcome to award season, Betches. Last night, everyone who mattered in Hollywood over the past year (and Ryan Seacrest) gathered together for the 76th Annual Golden Globes. For the uninitiated, the Globes are basically prom for the TV and film industry. Think about it:  everyone is wasted but pretending they aren’t, the venue is too small, the night is an hour and a half longer than anyone wants it to be, people in attendance do a poor job of concealing their open hatred for each other, and no matter who wins, someone will be mad. The Globes are the best event of award season for the sole reason that it’s the one night a year that we are reminded that …

We Made A List Of Hobbies Kristen Doute Should Pursue Betches

Okay, so Kristen Doute was the token crazy chick on Vanderpump Rules for the first couple of seasons. Now, she’s developed into a mostly stable, somewhat self aware, moderately functioning human being. Thanks a lot, therapy and having a healthy relationship! You’ve taken Krazy Kristen away from us! And now, Kristen has taken a turn for the worse. Don’t get us wrong, it’s not because she’s pulling stunts like attempting to air out her ex-boyfriend for cheating on his new girlfriend in Miami (we’re all in agreement that Tom did cheat, right?) or having a toxic relationship with James Kennedy. Instead, she’s trying to play martyr and seek revenge on toxic individuals in the interest of her friends. She may …